Friday, July 9, 2010


We don’t have to look far to see examples of marriage conflict. Conflict can range from a minor disagreement over what to have for dinner tonight to the extreme of abuse.

It’s often easy to get into a pity party and to feel wronged or self-righteous when a marital conflict occurs. There have been times in my own marriage where I truly felt that I had given all that I could give and that it was his turn to change. I found through counseling and prayer that my heart and my motives were often far from right or noble and that I was very wrong in my attitudes and reactions to my husband. I’ve learned that my husband has much to say and it is often very correct.

There is an example in the Bible of a woman who had every reason to be angry with her husband, to be rude, to berate him, but she did not. She chose to be a peacemaker instead. Her name was Abigail and her husband’s name was Nabal. The story is found in 1 Samuel 25. Nabal did a foolish thing. He insulted David’s men and railed at them when David was in need of help. David was very angry and intended to kill Nabal and all his men. Abigail, rather than being angry at her husband and berate him for his stupidity, for having put all of them in mortal danger, acted in a constructive way and saved their lives!

A modern example of an Abigail attitude is that of a young couple where the husband left the church they were raised in and were married in, to go into the occult. Even though it tore at the heart of the young wife she did not let it escalate into out of control marital conflicts. She was patient with him and kind. Rather than criticize, ridicule and nag him about his choice, which would surely have driven them apart, she chose to continue to respond to him in love. Because of her attitude toward him, in time he saw the wrongness of his choice and returned to the church.

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